With each of our miscarriages these are the emotions: Fear. Worry. Doubt. Anger. Depression. Lost hope. Why? Why give me hope or excitement just to take it away? What happened? What could I Have done different? And along with these emotional comes what I know in the depths of my heart: I trust you Lord. I have faith.
I don't know why it took so long to get pregnant with our son Miles. But I do know that God has perfect timing. I don't know why God allows me to see a positive pregnancy test, just to lose that hope after a week. Why does He allow me to get excited? I don't know... but someday I might. God has purpose and reason. And while I may not understand His timing, purpose, and reason... I know that it is right and that it is out of love. Yes there is anger, disappointment, fear, sadness. All normal. All natural. I have to allow myself to feel these things again and know that it's okay. I'm allowed to be mad. I'm allowed to be sad and grieve. Lord, remind me it's okay and acceptable to feel this way. I don't have to hide it or pretend I have it all together.
My prayer is that the Lord teaches me hope again, with no reserve. To trust Him with no boundaries. With every loss I've learned, we've learned, that God's timing is perfect. His purpose and promise for my life is real and I can trust it. I can believe that God is good.
If you have struggle with miscarriages, infertility, or loss, please know you are not alone. And it is not your fault. If you need someone to talk to, please email me at kellyjobregon@gmail.com
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Kelly! -Julie
ReplyDeleteThank you, this helps me to understand some of my daughters emotions... Especially with depression and anger.. As we all pray for those who face this, please add m daughter to those prayers! I love Girls of God's Heart.. You guys are such a blessing!
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