Father I'm Afraid

Happy Friday girls of God's heart.  Thank you for spending a few minutes with me before your weekends starts!

Have you ever had the feeling that God really wants to you to know something?  That he really wants you to hear something He has to say?  This has been me for the last couple of days.  The same word has been popping up over and over, so much so that I can't ignore it!  Ok, Daddy, I hear you!

Fear.

My 14 month old son has been sick.  Since Christmas he has had a virus 1-2 times per month every month.  His illnesses are accompanied by high fevers that scare the bajeebers out of me.  We have been to the ER with him three times since Christmas.  At first I didn't think much of it, just that he was having normal childhood illnesses and it would get better as his immune system got stronger.  This last virus (we are still battling currently) I began to realize that this didn't feel normal.  Every three weeks an illness like clockwork?  He is very small for his age and we're noticing that he's having trouble gaining weight because he's always sick.  As his temperature crept up over 105 this past weekend and we once again took him to the ER per recommendation of the pediatrician, I began to really get scared.  (The last time we went to the ER he was given IV fluids, the drew blood and they took a urine sample and took chest x-rays.  They found nothing majorly concerning, praise the Lord.)  I cried at the thought of having to watch him go through all that misery again.  This time they didn't do all of the tests, rather they told me he just had a virus and that it's not unusual for a little one to have a virus every month or so and sent us home.  Something just didn't sit right with me.  This didn't feel normal.  That feeling in the pit of my stomach was fear.  God what is going on? He's so little and I can't protect him from getting sick.  I don't know how to make him better.  I'm his mama, it's my job to take care of him.  I felt almost paralyzed.  I knew in my hear I needed to give it to the Lord but mostly I just really wanted to worry.  Have you ever felt that way?  Like it's easier to worry about it than just trust God to take care of it?  I think part of my fear is that God wouldn't do what I asked... I have spent so many nights asking God for comfort for my baby, for healing and protection from future illnesses and guess what?  He still got sick.

Monday night was Bible study night and we watched the DVD of Beth Moore preaching about Esther.  This message shot straight to my heart.  It was a longer than usual message and it was entirely about fear.  And do you know what she said that really convicted me?  She said that we trust God NO MATTER WHAT THE ANSWER.  He may not choose to heal my baby right away.  I trust him anyway.  My little one may have a condition or more serious illness that we'll need to deal with.  I need to trust him anyway.  {What if = I fear, Beth Moore}

Our trust should never be conditional.  God I'll trust you if...

We were asked what our biggest fear is.  By far my number one fear is something happening to one of my babies.  Beth preached that it's not enough to trust God that our biggest fear won't happen.  The enemy will torture us with that fear.  We have to trust God that he will be with us NO MATTER WHAT happens.  This is where true peace comes from.  My favorite quote from the message was this:

Courage (which at it's core comes from the latin word for 'heart') 

comes from a heart that is convinced that is is loved. 

1John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear."  

One of my favorite scriptures!

I am loved.  This gives me courage to stand in the face of anything that threatens to take my peace and my joy. Because the Lord loves me as his chosen child, he will take care of me NO MATTER WHAT. Thank you Jesus for speaking to my heart.

Girls, let me share with you what has popped up in my Instagram and Facebook feed in just the last two days (since I heard this message about fear)...

Coincidence? 
Nah, I don't think so!