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Believing God

I have started reading an amazing book by Beth Moore called, Believing God. At its core, Beth challenges us how not only to believe IN God, but to believe God. I never thought about the difference but the further I read, the more I realize my faith has a lot of growing to do. As I've wrote before, I deal with anxiety... the kind where I think a lot about the "what-ifs" of life; I have dwelt on the tiniest symptoms in my body and thought the worst things. I feel much more comfortable when I'm in control. I like to plan ahead and dislike when the plan changes. I fear when my life takes an unplanned turned.

But how does God feel when I take control of everything? What am I missing out on if I'm so focused on my plan instead of God's? Why is my faith in such a BIG God, so little? God has so many amazing plans for me in this life. Because He loves me and wants to see His will fulfilled in my life.

In this book I have been challenged in my faith. Oh, how I have misunderstood and underestimated my God. A God who loves, cherishes, and forgives me. A God who has an Earthly Promised Land that He wants me to reach. I want to share with you this book as I go along, so that maybe your faith might increase. So that you may believe God and take Him at His Word. Here are some of my favorite lines from Beth Moore's book that I have read and reread. Please ponder them in your heart.

"Beloved, God has made us promises. Real ones. Numerous ones. Promises of things like all-surpassing power, productivity, peace, and joy while still occupying these jars of clay. Few of us will argue the theory, but why aren't more of us living the reality?"

"God promised us a place of blessing. God's willingness and unwavering desire to bless His people is one of the most repetitive concepts in both testaments of His Word. He is the Giver of all good gifts and greatly exults when a child cooperates enough to receive some."

"Beloved, our personalized lands of earthly promise are places we're invited by God to dwell in Christ. It's high time we stopped dropping in and started taking up residency."

but I love my God. I will wait for Him.

I wrote a post a few weeks back about being in Bible Study with some elder ladies. The experience. Refreshing. Unbelievable.

The study is good. It's quite different than any other Beth Moore study I have ever done. I've enjoyed it, but it was sometimes difficult for me to really grasp what she was saying or how I am supposed to apply it to my life.

Then. I heard God. Loud. And. Clear. The last week of homework.

I sat at my desk crying out to the Lord. Literally. Tears running down my face because I am so overwhelmed. To the point of frustration. And when will it end?

Everyone gets to the point in their life, and multiple times, at least for me.. What is my niche? No, really God.. What is it? Show me. Plant me in it.

I love being a "homemaker". I love being a wife to such an incredible husband. And I love being a mother to such loving kids. And I love tending to things of my home. But I also like to get out of the house. Time to myself. So I always think I know I couldn't stay at home full time. But more time at home.

I've had this struggle before. 

But this time I am solely relying on God & His timing. Because of His unfailing love, I will trust in Him. 

I sit here now fighting back the tears of frustration. But I love my God. And I will wait for Him. 

But in the meantime, this is the hardest point. The point of breaking. That point of almost turning around & walking away from God's timing. Where you just want to go do it on your own.

But not this time.

Psalm 25:4-5 -- Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your Truth & teach me, for you are God my Savior, & my hope is in you all day long.

Back to the study. The revelation. The, I hear you loud & clear Lord.

Don't worry about your rooftop until you have spent time in the closet. -- Beth Moore, Sacred Secrets

Isaiah 45:3 -- I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

I realize that I need to HEAR Him through my little ears, soak it deep into my heart, meditate, dwell, love on His Truth. Trust Him. SECRETLY. With just Him & I.

And then, when He appoints my time shout it on my rooftop, I will.

If I prematurely shout it out what He has revealed to me in SECRET, what manifestation will really take place in my heart? Probably none. I won't retain His Word to me but just spit back out the information.

And what good does that do me? Will it set me up for failure? Will my relationship with Christ not grow deep & intimately?

Trust in the unfailing love of our God, Tiffany. Trust.

Hebrews 4:16 -- Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy & find grace to help us in our time of need. 

God took me out of my comfort zone by no mistake

I started a bible study with my church.. Sacred Secrets by Beth Moore a couple weeks ago. It is definitely a different type of study for Beth.. It is more of a journal set up & more questions about me. Personal questions. Things I've never thought about before. Or things I've buried deep down never wanting to resurface again.

Friday mornings I sit in a study with 8 other women all over the age of 40. 7 of them over the age of 65. Then you have me, a 28 year old. God didn't randomly put me in this group of seasoned Christian women.

Most women I "hang out" with are similar in age to me. We will just say ages 20-40 is my "comfort zone." 

When I showed up there one morning, nervous, but excited because this is my first study with my church. One by one women came in.. Older than I expected. I anticipated I'd have some young stay at home moms with kids around my kids ages. But God had something different in store for me.

All these pretty greyed hair women (but like 2, myself included) filled up our table. I smiled from ear to ear. My heart was happy. My heart was excited. My heart was content. 

I listen to things they went through in their life, things I am currently going through, their victories in areas I can't wait to wrap my hands around these victories. Hope. They give me hope. 

Seeing a women well in age so on fire for God gives me hope. It gives me hope that my fire for the Lord won't go away with age, unless I let it. I hope one day I can say 60 years ago I accepted Christ to reign over my life. And I hope one day I can tell that to a young 20 something year old.

I love that God placed these women in my life. One I saw in Church on Sunday & just couldn't help but to wrap my arms around & give her a hug. 

We all need mentors in life. Mentors can be younger & older. And honestly I have 1 stronger young one, my sister, Taylar (who also writes on this blog). I have several mentors that are my age range. My mom, because.. Well it is my mom. 

I always quietly told God... "I'd love to have some sweet old ladies in my life that has a burning passion for You."

I didn't expect it on Friday mornings in a sweet bible study. But He gave it to me.

It's Tough Being A Woman... Recap Of Our Esther Study

Just this last week, Tiffany and I (Julie) along with Sybil from Peace It All Together, finished up our study by Beth Moore on the book of Esther.  It took us over 5 months to finish but it was such a rich time of learning and fellowship.  I feel truly blessed to have spent this time with these two Godly women and to have been taught by the amazing Beth Moore.  If you've never experienced a Beth Moore study may I suggest that you do so ASAP!  Her studies have been life changing for this life-long Christian girl!

Sybil has dedicated a blog post to a recap of our study and asked Tiffany and I to contribute!  Check it out at Sybil's blog here.

Love you all!

Learning From The Teacher

Recently, I have been doing the Beth Moore study of Deuteronomy with some ladies at my church on Thursday evenings. I tell you what this is where I am supposed to be!! There are things that have stuck with me throughout this study and they keep running through my mind.

One of the things Beth said that stuck out to me was when she was talking about God taking care of the Israelites. She says, "God brought the Israelites out of Egypt, to bring them into the promised land". Over and over she has been saying that! Every time it punches me in the face! SMACK! God has brought us out to bring us in! Right now I am in the middle, where the Israelites are walking from Egypt toward the promised land. Waiting for Him to bring me into His amazing plans for my life. I have been doing a lot of waiting but can you imagine how the Israelites felt??? They wandered the deserts for forty years and we complain because we don't get something the instant we ask for it! I believe that really puts perspective on things!!

Something else she said that has been sticking out to me is that a story she tells about her and her husband. I will paraphrase it! Beth and her husband Keith were going hunting together. All of a sudden Keith stops and points his gun at something in the distance. She leans over and asks, "Do you see something"? He doesn't say anything to her but motions for her to lean her head on his right shoulder and look down the barrel of the gun.  Then he points and says, "See?" At the end of the gun some ways away is a dear. Doesn't this happen with God and us? How many times do we ask God why he is doing something? Then pretty soon we lean our heads over on his shoulder and He says, "See"? He is pointing and showing us what our future holds we just have to get there. I have been thinking lately... how many times do I question God and not squint my eyes enough to see what he is pointing at? I know there are times when I miss that message but other times He only has to tell me once and I'll hold on to that forever!

I just thought it would be nice to share what God has been teaching me:] What has He been teaching you?? Have a great week ladies <3

~Reflection~

Good morning girls of God's heart!  Take a moment to read this and sit with it.  What does this mean to you?  We work so hard to keep up a particular image for our friends, our family, our co-workers, this world... but guess what?  You are made in GOD'S image! Rest in the knowledge that you are precious to Him and He loves you just the way you are.  No pretenses, no ego.  You are His and that is enough.

Father I'm Afraid

Happy Friday girls of God's heart.  Thank you for spending a few minutes with me before your weekends starts!

Have you ever had the feeling that God really wants to you to know something?  That he really wants you to hear something He has to say?  This has been me for the last couple of days.  The same word has been popping up over and over, so much so that I can't ignore it!  Ok, Daddy, I hear you!

Fear.

My 14 month old son has been sick.  Since Christmas he has had a virus 1-2 times per month every month.  His illnesses are accompanied by high fevers that scare the bajeebers out of me.  We have been to the ER with him three times since Christmas.  At first I didn't think much of it, just that he was having normal childhood illnesses and it would get better as his immune system got stronger.  This last virus (we are still battling currently) I began to realize that this didn't feel normal.  Every three weeks an illness like clockwork?  He is very small for his age and we're noticing that he's having trouble gaining weight because he's always sick.  As his temperature crept up over 105 this past weekend and we once again took him to the ER per recommendation of the pediatrician, I began to really get scared.  (The last time we went to the ER he was given IV fluids, the drew blood and they took a urine sample and took chest x-rays.  They found nothing majorly concerning, praise the Lord.)  I cried at the thought of having to watch him go through all that misery again.  This time they didn't do all of the tests, rather they told me he just had a virus and that it's not unusual for a little one to have a virus every month or so and sent us home.  Something just didn't sit right with me.  This didn't feel normal.  That feeling in the pit of my stomach was fear.  God what is going on? He's so little and I can't protect him from getting sick.  I don't know how to make him better.  I'm his mama, it's my job to take care of him.  I felt almost paralyzed.  I knew in my hear I needed to give it to the Lord but mostly I just really wanted to worry.  Have you ever felt that way?  Like it's easier to worry about it than just trust God to take care of it?  I think part of my fear is that God wouldn't do what I asked... I have spent so many nights asking God for comfort for my baby, for healing and protection from future illnesses and guess what?  He still got sick.

Monday night was Bible study night and we watched the DVD of Beth Moore preaching about Esther.  This message shot straight to my heart.  It was a longer than usual message and it was entirely about fear.  And do you know what she said that really convicted me?  She said that we trust God NO MATTER WHAT THE ANSWER.  He may not choose to heal my baby right away.  I trust him anyway.  My little one may have a condition or more serious illness that we'll need to deal with.  I need to trust him anyway.  {What if = I fear, Beth Moore}

Our trust should never be conditional.  God I'll trust you if...

We were asked what our biggest fear is.  By far my number one fear is something happening to one of my babies.  Beth preached that it's not enough to trust God that our biggest fear won't happen.  The enemy will torture us with that fear.  We have to trust God that he will be with us NO MATTER WHAT happens.  This is where true peace comes from.  My favorite quote from the message was this:

Courage (which at it's core comes from the latin word for 'heart') 

comes from a heart that is convinced that is is loved. 

1John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear."  

One of my favorite scriptures!

I am loved.  This gives me courage to stand in the face of anything that threatens to take my peace and my joy. Because the Lord loves me as his chosen child, he will take care of me NO MATTER WHAT. Thank you Jesus for speaking to my heart.

Girls, let me share with you what has popped up in my Instagram and Facebook feed in just the last two days (since I heard this message about fear)...

Coincidence? 
Nah, I don't think so!

A broken past

I walk a line & my line is not straight. It never has been. Then to be real honest with you I don't think I've ever fully tried to walk straight.

I always want to do what is best & right in God's eyes, but like I've said before.. The second I mess up, I run. So then I stray & it takes me awhile to find myself back on that path.

My path has been pretty straight for awhile & that's a commitment you need to make with yourself & God. If you are not fully committed you will stray. But God is always fully committed to you, know that dear friend.

During the week my life gets busy. It's busy by working Monday - Thursday 10 hours a day. Then coming home to a family that needs me. And then before you know it the day next day starts right back up again. But let me tell you something, I am blessed to have a job that allows me to work 4 days a week & that gives me Friday off.

My Fridays have become my favorite days of the week. Both, Chris & I have the day off with the kids, that makes it nice. But then I start off my morning at, I strive for 530 but it's mostly 6. I wake up knowing the first thing I am going to do is come straight to the Lord. A peaceful house. Stillness.

This was my Friday morning. Did I mention I love fall/winter time? Fire place I welcome you with open arms.

At church we just finished up the study, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore. Andrea & I loved it so much, we went out bought the book & are digging deeper.  So deep that both of us went to Starbucks Friday morning basically in tears from the message we had just received.

Oh and that is another reason why I love Fridays, every morning at 815 we meet at Starbucks for 2 hours to discuss this study.

This is the chapter that literally captivated me.

Beth Moore starts out the chapter with such a powerful verse.

Psalm 130:3-4 -- If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

We NEED to realize God does not record our wrong doings. I think that is SO hard to comprehend. Yes, he KNOWS all the things we ever did wrong BUT he does not take that keep track & use it against us. He is SO good.

Simply put Beth Moore states - "We've got to start believing God about us."

FRIENDS, quit believing the devil. Resist him. START believing God. Embrace Him!!! Submit to Him.

He can heal our pasts. Did you hear me? I said He can HEAL our pasts. Not only does he forgive us our sins after repentance BUT he heals us. He can make us whole again, if we let Him!

Again, Beth Moore nailed it by stating - "Yes, we can do something about our pasts. We can take them to Jesus! We can't forget them or ignore them. We need Him to take full authority over them so they are no longer a playground for the enemy."

This is so big. So many things in our past hold us captive. The devil tears & tears at it, eats you away. You may have brought it before the Lord & asked for forgiveness but fully repent from it!! TELL GOD YOU WANT TO BE HEALED FROM YOUR PAST.

I will end on this verse.

Psalm 18:18 -- They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.

Girls - know that God is for you. God is your biggest supporter. He is there to help us through our past.

Oh & He loves you :)