I am currently doing their Thanksgiving plan & yesterday, Sunday, the topic "In Wandering".
I read through it & thought wow because of what the writer just went through, again, with losing a baby. My mind was so fixated on that & how grateful I am for 2 healthy children & my heart just aches for her.
Then I go back through & journal the spots that God is speaking to me. And He took me to a whole new level. Typically the second time I read it is when God really talks to me to reveal to me what I need to hear that day. But this topic was stronger than ever.
Wandering.
In times of wandering what do you do? Do you run to or from God? Are you seeking earthly answers or trusting God that He reveal His answers in His time?
I went through a time of wandering. A BIG time of wandering. I became a Christian in July 2005. I was an active Christian in the church as well as participating in Bible Studies. But I never grew as a Christian should.
1 Corinthians 13:11 -- When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
In July 2009 I began my stages of wandering. I was still in church for about 9 months. Then I stopped going after that. I was searching for answers that God wasn't giving me so I stopped seeking Him & started seeking answers of the now, or earthly answers. I randomly went to church, trying to find a church that reminded me of home (I moved from Indiana to California in this time).
Last year, October 2012 I finally stopped searching for God & saw that, well He was right there in front of me. This. Whole. Time. I began my journey over with Him. I repented of my selfish ways, I stopped seeking earthly answers, & started walking with Him.
In this past year my relationship with Christ has grown far more than my first 4 years as Christian. I look back & somewhat get frustrated with myself that I did not take advantage of these years getting to know my Lord and Savior. And then I get frustrated during the time I disappeared from God. See He never disappeared from me, but I ran the other way.
But what is frustration going to get me? Yesterday God confirmed that those wandering times did in fact lead me right back into His arms. I have the best relationship with Christ that I could possibly have at this moment in my life. And I praise Him for that.
I praise Him that I sought an earthly answer & never found it, but I found Him & His Truth.
I praise Him that He forgives me for my wandering.
I praise Him because I have a God who is faithful & He will NEVER fail me.
I praise Him that at the end of my wandering He gave me the deepest desire to know Him.
Your post really hit home with me. Ive recently refreshed my relationship with Jesus Christ and have dealt with a bit of remorse on my days of wandering. As a kid we attended seceral churches but it never really felt like home. My dad tried his best to teach me and my siblings the stories of the bible, but a meaningful personal realtionahip with Christ was never a focus. As a college freshmen, I rejected my roommate because of her sseemingly Jesus-centric behavior. Now that I have refreshed and renewed my relationship with Christ, I wish so badly that I could apologize to her. Instead of following her example, I followed my own agenda and made some pretty poor choices. Luckily, I am overwhelmed by the grace of Jesus Christ and know that my sin has been covered by his precious blood!
ReplyDeleteI have a similar past with growing up in a church where Christ wasn't the center, or the relationship piece wasn't there. So I understand :) I am glad you have felt His overwhelming grace!
DeleteIn the past year I have also renewed my relationship and really wholeheartedly wanted to establish one with God and Jesus. I've come to want spiritual faith, not religious faith and I'm learning what I can each day to come closer to my God. I arrived at the part of my spiritual journey that I'm on from disappearing from God. I didn't even give him a second or first thought a year ago. I would say I was spiritual, yet did nothing about it. It took a very low point in my life (one in which I lost my self-respect, dignity, control and basically was a MESS inside and out) for me to start crawling back and learning to walk with my Lord God. Though I didn't even WONDER if God had left me at that point, looking back, I know He was as close to me in those dark times as He could get, screaming to me to come back to Him. And I don't regret those dark times; they were learning and my experiences which I can share now to help others. And those dark times ultimately led me back to my Father so that I could take my chance living a life as a daughter of the King. Loved your post. xo
ReplyDeleteAmen girl, I totally hear you. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to truly hand ourselves over to the Lord! - Tiffany
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