God is in the Darkness

"Trauma's storm can mask the Christ and feelings can lie.

I draw all the hurting voices close and I touch their scars with a whisper:

sometimes we don't fully see that in Christ, because of Christ,

through Christ, He does give us all things good - until we have

the perspective of years.  In time, years, dust settles.

In memory, ages, God emerges.  Then when we look back,

we see God's back.  Wasn't that too His way with Moses?

 "When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and 

cover you with my hand until I have passes by. Then I will 

remove my hand and you will see my back" (Exodus 33:22-23).

Is that it?  When it gets dark, it's only because God has 

tucked me in a cleft of the rock and covered me, protected, with

HIs hand?  In the pitch, I feel like I'm falling, sense the bridge giving

way, God long absent.  In the dark, the bridge and my world shakes, 

cracking dreams.  But maybe this is true reality: It is in the dark that

God is passing by.  The bridge and our lives shake not because 

God has abandoned, but the exact opposite:  

God is passing by.

God is in the tremors.

In the blackest, God is closest, at work, forging HIs perfect and right 

will.  Though it is black and we can't see and and our world seems 

to be free-falling and we feel utterly alone, Christ is most present to us, 

I-beam supporting in earthquake.  Then He will remove His hand.

Then we will look.  Then we look back and see His back."

Ann Voskamp

One Thousand Gifts

My Children Dance in Heaven

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. 1 in 8 couples have experienced infertility. I am one. As of this year, we have 3 babies in heaven. Yes... that's some very personal information that I just shared with you. But through each miscarriage, I have learned that God wants me to share my story with others. If I can encourage, be there for, listen to, or support another woman who has been through this, then I will share my story over and over. To God be the glory.

With each of our miscarriages these are the emotions: Fear. Worry. Doubt. Anger. Depression. Lost hope. Why? Why give me hope or excitement just to take it away? What happened? What could I Have done different? And along with these emotional comes what I know in the depths of my heart: I trust you Lord. I have faith.

I don't know why it took so long to get pregnant with our son Miles. But I do know that God has perfect timing. I don't know why God allows me to see a positive pregnancy test, just to lose that hope after a week. Why does He allow me to get excited? I don't know... but someday I might. God has purpose and reason. And while I may not understand His timing, purpose, and reason... I know that it is right and that it is out of love. Yes there is anger, disappointment, fear, sadness. All normal. All natural. I have to allow myself to feel these things again and know that it's okay. I'm allowed to be mad. I'm allowed to be sad and grieve.  Lord, remind me it's okay and acceptable to feel this way. I don't have to hide it or pretend I have it all together.

My prayer is that the Lord teaches me hope again, with no reserve. To trust Him with no boundaries. With every loss I've learned, we've learned, that God's timing is perfect. His purpose and promise for my life is real and I can trust it. I can believe that God is good. 

If you have struggle with miscarriages, infertility, or loss, please know you are not alone. And it is not your fault. If you need someone to talk to, please email me at kellyjobregon@gmail.com

Unglued

I just recently started the Bible study Unglued with my sister. Unglued. Before starting this study I thought I didn't really have the raw emotions and reactions this book was talking about but boy was I wrong.

Source

The author Lysa Terkeurst uses the best imagery and analogy with Michaelangelos' David. Did you know it took Michaelangelo two years to complete David? It's said he never really even left the room where he was making David during those two years. When asked how he completed the statue Michaelangelo said, " It was easy. I just chipped away the stone that didn't look like David." Doesn't God do similar work in us? He chisels away the raw emotions, failures, that don't look like us. Every day he is chipping, chiseling, and molding us into who he has called us to be.

In the Unglued study guide, Lysa states, "Over time, negative thought patterns can become self-defeating labels that impact how we see ourselves and keep us  stuck in hard places. Instead of seeing our failures as temporary setbacks, we begin to see them as permanent conditions or even as part of our identity." She gives examples such as...

I always mess up.
Things will never get better.
I'll never lose weight.
I'm such a coward.

Are you stuck in a hard place and trapped by weaknesses and your emotions?

Jesus sees you. He is helping chisel you into the best you can be. He knows who you are deep down. He knows the truth, you can't hide from him and he is always there for you! Even Peter had emotions to keep him stuck, Matthew 14: 22-32. You aren't alone, you never are and will never be!

craving grace: repentance

Last week I introduced a book, Craving Grace. I talked about the awareness of sin. This week it's about repentance.

What does repentance look like to you? Repentance is an ongoing battle for me. Sometimes I fight with myself because when I come back to a repeated sin I think to myself.. Didn't I repent of this? Why am I caught up doing it, again?

But I am human. This I must remember. And I also must remember God gives me grace in repeated sins. But striving to do better and be better for Him, to me that is repentance.

The word repentance literally means to turn around. -- Ruthie Delk

In sin, we are acting in our human flesh, satisfying our own desires.
Repenting is turning to the Holy Spirit and relying on His strength to satisfy HIS desires for us.

It means I lean into grace while turning away from the things that have distracted my heart from Him.  -- Ruthie Delk

I love that quote. Sin, everything that distracts us from God. Grace, everything that turns us around back to Him.

This ongoing battle for me also makes me think I falsely repent. And perhaps sometimes this is true, but not always. Sometimes when I feel this way it is just the devil getting inside of my head. But other times are conviction from God that I need to rethink my repentance.

I know that when my heart changes, I truly repented.
I know that when my attitude and behavior changes toward it, I truly repented.
I know that when I see that relationship through Jesus' eyes, I truly repented.

Don't reject repentance. Live in His freedom. He GIVES us freedom and grace if we repent. Make that decision today, walk in freedom. Stop having your own plans. Have HIS plans.

He is Risen!

The angel said to 

the women, 

"Do not be afraid, 

for I know that you are looking for 

JESUS, 

who was crucified. 

He is not here. 

He has RISEN. 

Just as He said."

Matthew 28:5-6

Purpose and Promise

There is a lot of trials, sickness, confusion, and change happening in the lives around me. My 7 year old cousin found out he has leukemia over a month ago. And now his only hope is God and a bone marrow transplant. On top of that his family has to move out of their house in a few weeks. And they need a new van to get them back and forth to the hospital. Our head pastor at our church has had to resign after 25 years at the same church, 10 of them as the pastor. There is change coming, and we don't know what it will look like. 

And yet through all these things, through all the prayer, I hear God say, "Trust me, I have promises to fulfill in your (and their) earthly life (lives). That's why I put you here on this Earth. This is for my glory." Sometimes Christians are so focused on the Lord's returning and going to heaven that they forget there is purpose for their lives here on Earth. Why else would God put you here?! In Beth Moore's book, Believe God, she writes, 

"God has made us promises. Real ones. Numerous ones. Promises of things like all-surpassing power, productivity, peace, and joy… while still occupying these jars of clay."

No matter what you may be going through now, or what you may go through in the future, there is purpose to it. And God has promises for you. The Word of God tells us that He knows the plans He has for us - they are plans to prosper us, to protect us - to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Whatever we go through, God has purpose for. Whether it's to show us a better way, to teach us how to become more like Him, to break down our walls, or to allow our story to affect others for Him. It's all for His glory.

Open your Bible. Read how much God loves us and what He has for your life. Cling to the Word of God. There is TRUTH and POWER in the Word. There is comfort, peace, promises, and solid ground in Jesus' words.

"Nothing keeps the mind sane in adversity like the Word of God.

If you know it, then you know peace. If you've read it, then you know hope. And it you love it, then you know love. You would know that love can heal.

When the waters have breached and flooded the walls of your heart, it's the Word of God that rescues you. 

And when the rhythm of life is out of beat, it's the Word of God that becomes your conductor. And when the earthquake comes to shake you, the Word of God is the pillar you can hang on to.

Our mismanagements, brokenness, and sins are all subject to the Word of God.

They are all subject to love because LOVE CAN HEAL."

Pastor Steve Reynolds

Hope City Church

craving grace: awareness of sin

I am currently reading a book called Craving Grace by Ruthie Delk. Grace seems to be my theme these days. God has been speaking to me so much lately about grace. Wanting more of it, giving more of it, learning more about it, craving it in general.

Grace. Unmerited. Unearned. Not deserved. Not worthy. But yet God gives us this, freely.

We don't deserve grace, but He gives grace, no matter what.

Our identity is based on who He is, not who we are. -- Ruthie Delk

How sweet is that to know? To know that our identity isn't based on what we have done or who we wish to become or who we pretend to be or who we really are. It is based on who He is. What He is. What He says we are.

We are all sinners. Sinners that need grace. Without grace we are enslaved to sin. But Chris sets us free. By grace.

Sin is so much more than just behavior. -- Ruthie Delk

Sin is more than a behavior, it's who we become. We get comfortable in our day to day lives, in sin and we continue in that sinful way. Sin gets rooted into our hearts. And what is in our hearts is who we are truly. It affects more than just our behavior but the innermost parts of us. And that hinders our relationship with Christ.

I read that and thought, wow. Wow. So basically I lose my patience (a sin) with my kids because I do not believe that God is powerful enough to give me more patience. Ouch.

When I become bitter I do not believe that God can give me peace.

When my hormones take over me I do not believe God can help me choose joy.

Where I sin, I do not believe God. I do not believe that He can change me or the situation so I choose selfishly to sin.

I make God small. And He is not. He is more powerful than anything I can encounter and I need to believe and act on that.

Accurate self-assessment is the product of grace. -- Paul David Tripp

Until we see ourselves clearly, we will never understand the sweet gift of grace we have been given. -- Ruthie Delk

continual test of our hearts

A Little of My Story

Hi all!  I feel like I have been absent from you for a while and I apologize.  I've missed sharing what the Lord has been teaching me so let me tell you what's been happening lately!

We (Tiffany, our friend Sybil and I) just completed a study by Jennie Allen titled Restless.  This study blew my world right open and turned it upside down - in a fabulous way!  This study helps us to intentionally begin to recognize the threads in our lives that are floating in the breeze so to speak.  Threads are moments in our life that have had an impact on us either positive or negative.  The challenge was to look at these moments and figure out how the Lord has brought us to this point in our lives through all that we have gone through.  This book met me right where I was at.  Over the last several months I have been trying to narrow down what it is that my calling is.  What is my purpose?  How does my Father want to use me to impact this world?  I am one of those that wants to do EVERYTHING! If you are a multi-tasker like me with a broken heart for the lost and the hurting, it can be easy to jump from one ministry to the next without actually developing and growing in the area where the Lord has called you to be.

About 13 years ago at the age of 18, I went through the darkest period in my life.  I was dealing with a very difficult betrayal in my family and my world as I knew it was falling apart.  I strayed from the Lord for a while as I sought to drown my pain however possible.  Through counseling and support from my friends and family, I began to work through my pain.  Over the course of a few years, the Lord healed myself and my family in a way that is nothing short of a miracle.  The enemy could have used that very dark experience to break me - and he almost did.  But my God is so much bigger than that and out of that experience has been born in me a desire to help families struggling in the same way we did.  I told the Lord a few years ago that however He wanted to use me and my story to help others, I would do it.  For a long time I felt the urge to write out my story.  I had told it in many different forms to different people but wanted to get every single detail out in one spot.  I sat on that idea for a long time.  One morning in church the Lord said to me, "Now Julie".  How do I know it was Him?  It was an undeniable voice and it seemingly came out of nowhere... I knew I had to sit down and write it out.  I figured I would write it as it came to me and then I'd have to go back and cut and paste to make it all flow and make sense.  After three separate sittings at my computer I had gotten it all out.  I sat back and read it and it was perfect.  Right there in front of me was my story in the perfect order with all of the details just as I wanted them.  How did that happen?!!  I knew what I needed to do next... I needed to send it to someone.  I sent it to a few of my close friends and then I sent it to my pastor.  I said in my email to him that I was just being obedient to the Lord and if he could think of any way my story could be useful then to let me know.  A week later he emailed me back and said that they were preparing to film some testimonies on relational healing for an upcoming sermon but the lady they had in mind had backed out.  He asked if I would like to share a little bit of my story.  I was scared but I agreed.  My church is a large one with a congregation of about 2000 including all of the services.  On the day my testimony was shown in service I had my whole family sitting next to me in support.  I know that what I had to say was powerful and that lives were touched.  Since that day a few years ago, I have had several people find me and ask me to speak.  I have never sought out any speaking opportunities!  I have only been obedient to say yes when they ask.  I almost chicken out every time I'm about to speak!  But, I refuse to let the enemy stop me from using what he intended as destruction, to bring life to others who are hurting.

All that being said, I'm now at a point where I know I need to take the next step in reaching people.  For a long time I've had an idea in the back of my head that I've been sitting on.  A couple of weeks ago during a rare quiet moment with the Lord (I've got small kids, believe me those moments are hard to come by!), the Lord said to me again, "Now Julie."  I knew it was time and I feverishly started writing notes.  My dream right now is to write a curriculum and start a support group for girls who went through what I went through 13 years ago.  I've searched and found nothing quite like it anywhere yet.  I've learned through our study that when something is God's will, it's most likely not going to be mapped out cleanly in front of us.  We most likely won't be able to see the big picture.  We need only to take one step at a time in faith that God will lead us.  So I am taking one step at a time, and I'm excited!  I didn't think this would be a big project or one that would require much of my time in the future, but in another moment of clarity the Lord said to me, "How do you know?"  I've twice found myself putting God in a box regarding this project.  The reality is, I don't know how the Lord's going to use me, I know only that He's called me and that's good enough for now.   I'm learning to not rely so heavily on my need to plan everything to a T but rather say, "What's next God?" And then take the next step.

I'd love to keep you updated on how this goes.  Part of my purpose for writing this post is so that I can look back and say, wow, look where I was 6 months - a year ago!  Would you ask the Lord what the next step is for you?  I guarantee you were put on this Earth for a VERY specific purpose and I know for many it's a struggle to discover just what that is.  Ask the Lord to remove things in your life that are a distraction from what He really wants you to focus on and if you'd like prayer for this very issue, let us know!  We'd love to partner with you in prayer.

Have a blessed day,

The Lord Has No Equal

I got the rare chance last Saturday morning to have a girls morning. Just me and my best friend talking for an hour at Starbucks then doing some shopping. Before she met me, I sat and read a random Bible passage from Isaiah on my YouVersion Bible App. It was the "Verse of the Day" and I decided to read the whole chapter. Wow - it blew me away! I had to share it with you. We may think the words we speak or write can be powerful or have meaning, but nothing compares to the Word of God!

Isaiah 40:12-31 NLT (portions)

The Lord Has No Equal

"Who else had held the oceans in his hand? Who else has measured off the heavens with his fingers?

Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?

Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord? Who know enough to give him advice or teach him?

Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does he need instruction about what is good?

Did someone teach him what is right or show him the path of justice?

No, for all the nations of the word are but a drop in a bucket. They are nothing more in dust on the scales.

He picks up the whole earth as though it were a grain of sand.

The nations of the world are worth nothing to him. In his eyes, they count for less than nothing - mere emptiness and froth.

To whom can you compare God? What image can you find to resemble him?

Haven't you heard? Don't you understand?

Are you deaf to the words of God - the words he gave before the world began? Are you so ignorant?

God sits above the circle of the earth. The people below seem like grasshoppers to him!

He spread out the heavens like a curtain and make his tent from them.

He judges the great people of the world and brings them all to nothing. They hardly get started, barely taking root, when he blows on them and they wither. The wind carries them off like chaff.

"To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal?" asks the HOLY ONE.

Look up into the heavens. Who created the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.

Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find their strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. 

They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

There's God

I have been wanting to write this post for a while now and have been a little timid because it can be a touchy subject. But here I go! :]

I think many you would agree that lately there has been a lot going on in our world. So many shootings, crime, natural disaster, disease, cancer, etc. It seems never ending. There is always something that seems to be going on in our lives and those around us. I am with you there! But lately I have been reading One Thousand Gifts and God has been touching my heart and showing me the beauty he put on Earth and in people. Yes, there is still A LOT of hurt and pain going on but there is even more beauty in God, His creation, and His love. I got to go outside today and sit on the cement by our pool in sweat pants and a tshirt, sun shining on my skin for the first time in what seems like FOREVER. And in northern Indiana that is a gift :] Considering we spend 75% of our lives under cloud cover here and haven't been able to go outside without freezing for about 6 months!! But I'm not complaining about the lack of sun and warmth, I just enjoy them more when they are around!

To my point... God is blessing us every day ladies! I know there are hard things going on in each of our lives but he desperately wants us to connect with him and see his beauty. Join with me and looking for those specs of beauty, specs of light in our seemingly dark world!

Today mine were sitting outside, seeing spring flowers starting to grow(pardon the fence that got in the photo... :] ), and having a day off work!!! When I took a moment to pause and look at what God wanted me to see, I could appreciate what he was giving me! How about you? have you paused today and seen your blessings?:]

Also I just want to say again I know many of you are going through rough times and this post is not meant to hurt you or make you feel guilty but to help you to know God is still there for you and he still loves you! If there are any of you reading this that need prayer and are having a hard time right now, who aren't able to see God's blessings and you would like someone to pray for you please feel free to comment on this post or contact us on Facebook we would like to pray for you!
 

Thanks be to God for His gifts!
2 Corinthians 9:15


God Bless and have a great rest of the week:]

anchors the soul

Hi there! I'm Allyce and I blog over at Anchors the Soul, a lifestyle blog where I share my journey and how God is leading me through every twist and turn!  

To get to know me a bit more, visit my "About" page or any social media links here!

twitter  //  instagram //  bloglovin'

One of my favorite aspects of blogging is connecting with other God-fearing women and utilizing my small space as a somewhat larger platform to share how Jesus is working in my life.  I've been participating in the #shereadstruth community this year and have loved every study!  I'm constantly challenged and feel as though my time with God is more intentional, as many of my posts are a reflection of this.

With all that being said, I'd like to thank the ladies here at Girls of God's Heart for allowing me the opportunity to guest post today! I'm truly honored to hang out here and share a piece of my heart with the readers here!     

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

During my quiet time today I came across a few verses that struck a series of cords that tie directly to my heart.  If you're not aware, I've been following along in the #shereadstruth studies and every day I'm challenged in a new way through reading God's Word and joining in a community of honest, God-fearing women.

Today's focus was on 1 John 2:15-17

"Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.  For everything in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-- comes not from the Father but from the world.  The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever."

Ok so this was hard hitting for me.  Sentence by sentence I felt as though God was prodding at my heart, reminding me that the things that I tend to consume myself with SEEM important, but don't have much of an eternal impact.  For instance, having a yellow shirt to wear tomorrow does not impact eternity.  So there's no need for me to stress about something so trivial.  I can't tell you the amount of times I subconsciously compare what I have or want to someone else, how much I complain about the things of "this world."  Obsess about the things I think I need and these thoughts literally consume my mind DAILY.  But what God is telling us here is to do the very opposite.

Fix your eyes and give your attention to the things that will impact eternity.  

It's hard not to love the world.  God's creation is beautiful and something to be in awe about.  But it's a place full of sin where we naturally find temporary comfort, love and satisfaction.

"The temporary things in the here and now can be so lovely, but let's not love them above the One who created them all." #shereadstruth

I've feared when that day comes when God takes me home and I get to experience Heaven and the wonder of eternity.  I'll say it again.  I've feared that day because I have feelings of not wanting to leave Earth and all that is in it.  And in my honest of hearts I've often wondered if there will be a Starbucks and a Chick-fil-A in Heaven.  I'm not sure about Starbucks, but I'm fairly certain there will be a Chick-fil-A. :)

I'm challenged today to shift my thinking from worshiping creation to worshiping the Creator.  

It's easy to get caught up in the daily grind, to let our sinful desires take over our good intended hearts.   I hold tightly to the things of this earth, the things that bring me comfort and satisfaction.

My prayer for this week is that with God's help I can start to shift my selfish ways of thinking to having more of an eternal mind set, where my focus and my intentions are fixed on worshiping my Creator, not creation.

He still gives us grace

Grace.

What does that word mean to you?

When I think of that word, I think I am lucky that God breathes His grace over me. I am blessed. I look around at my life and think to myself, wow. God does love me. My life is covered with His grace. 

But lately I am trying to focus on giving others grace. I want God's grace to shine through me to others. 
Others, who may not even know God.
Others who know of Him.
Others who simply think God has forgotten about them.
Others who already know & love & live for God. 

We all need grace. And we all need to give grace.

source

My son will be 3 in June. We are almost out of the terrible twos. And quite frankly, he nailed the terrible twos. The kid is like clockwork. Very particular about things (he gets that from his daddy, not me...). The kid needs his sleep. He doesn't mind sleeping in and I love that. But when mommy has to wake up him up all things turn upside down in his world.

At those moments when I want to yell and scream and just totally lose my cool, I look for Jesus. I look for Jesus in my sons eyes. It brings tears to my eyes searching in those big brown eyes because you know what.. I see Him right there in my sons eyes. 

So often we get caught up in our situations we act crazy because we are human, and that will happen. But to try to not act all crazy, to find grace in the moments when I would rather scream at the top of my lungs, but instead calmly search for Jesus.  

How true is this situation in our lives? When I rant and rave because things aren't "my" way. 
God still covers me in grace. 
NO MATTER HOW I ACT.

Love is… But am I?

Love is PATIENT. It never gives up. Am I patient?

When my toddler is unhappy and whiny and I have no idea why, am I patient with him? I need to be taking time to come to his level, attend to his needs, and hug hime. When my husband forgets to do something important that I've asked him? Do I give him grace? I should be understanding there's a lot on his mind, and forgive him. When God says wait, do I push forward with my own agenda? He's God, my guide and creator. He knows what's best for me. I should trust Him when He says wait. He has a better plan than mine could ever be.

Love is KIND, caring for others more than self. Am I kind?

Do I give of my time to people who are in need? Am I courteous and hold the door for someone who needs it? I should be saying "thank you" more often, sending loving cards, and investing in people's lives. God help me to be kind to people I don't want to be. And most of all to the people closest to me. Give me a kind hearted spirit.

Love does not boast and is not prideful. Am I boastful? Or prideful?

Do my actions or words show off myself and my accomplishments? What are my intentions behind my actions?  Lord, teach me to be humble.

Love is not self-seeking. It does not get mad at every little thing.

When I communicate my feelings and needs, I don't want it to be completely self-seeking. Yes, I need to be able to communicate what I'm feeling, but I also need to be listening to others and their feelings. What are my intentions in my actions? Do I focus on what I'm getting out of it? Love is not about me. It's not "me-first". Jesus - remind me to let the little things go. Allow me to give grace and forgiveness on the little things that anger me. 

Love PROTECTS.

Am I protecting my marriage by keeping my vows sacred? Do I look out for the best interest of my husband? Do I protect my friends and family by not breaking their trust or gossiping about them? God - allow me to learn what it means to protect my family and friends. And to protect my spiritual life.

Love TRUSTS.

Do I assume the worst or think people's intentions are different than they are? Why don't I just expect the best in everyone? Trust is hard, especially when you've been hurt or your trust has been broken before. I pray I can trust my husband without reserve. And be trustworthy. And trust the Lord without borders.

Love HOPES.

Do I hope for the best or always expect the worst? I have hope in the Lord and the promises He has planned for me because of His love for me. Help my love for others in my life, and people in general, to show hope for their lives.

Love PERSEVERES.

I never want to give up on love. That's what Jesus' life was about. That's why He died on the cross. I will always fight for love and what is means to love someone. Jesus- show me how to continuously love like you and never give up fighting for love.

LOVE NEVER FAILS.