Monday, March 24, 2014

why did i stop dreaming?

I used to be that girl that I could sit in a room all day & play by myself. Imagine all times of crazy things. Talk to anything in my room & make them whoever I wanted. I was imagining, dreaming as a kid.

In high school I had big dreams for myself. Who I wanted to be. The success level I wanted to be at professionally. Where I wanted to live.

In college, those dreams started to dwindle. I felt little in a big world.

I began to think, dreaming is for kids.

Now, I am in my late twenties & afraid to dream.

Fear. That word alone scares me. Fear I will fail. Fear I will become discontent. Fear I won't be comfortable enough. Fear I will actually end up hating it. Fear I misread God's direction.

Going through Jennie Allen's book, Restless, I am asked all these questions that just make me think about my life. Things I never wanted to think about again. Things I've never even really thought I needed to think twice about.

Then I think what is my God purpose here? Who gives me these dreams in the first place? Who puts those passions in my heart?

I stopped dreaming because of the failures of my past. I am so afraid that the dreams I once had led me to a place of discontent. A place where satan got ahold of me & I left God on the side.

But then I started to wrap my head around some truth. There is nothing wrong with dreaming, as long as they are God dreams. Not dreaming for a better life, leaving myself discontent, but dreaming of a life of what I can do more of for God.

So that's the question. Do you still dream in your life? Do you led God lead those dreams? Or did you stop dreaming like me because of fear?

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