I hope you enjoyed the Being Intentional series the past few weeks. Those posts were not only for you, but for me. God spoke to me about walking what I talk (or write) and how to live intentionally every day. But today... I gotta speak some personal truth. I gotta be real. God has been speaking to me this week. And I've been crying out Him - pouring my heart out. It's been a stressful couple of weeks... but this week, I needed God to help me through every minute. I needed to hear from Him and I needed guidance for the next step I should take.
Have you ever felt like that? When you knew with every part of your soul, that you couldn't do it on your own? Who or what did you cling to?
I can't give many details, but I can tell you that I've come to a point where I know I need a change in my life. I need to get my priorities straight. I need to take care of myself physically (actually sitting down to eat a healthy meal and getting some sleep) emotionally (I'm way too anxious and stressed right now), and spiritually (intentionally make time to be in the Word, not rush to get it done so I can go to bed). I need to make quality time with my husband and my 4 month old son. They are the most important people to me. So a change needs to be made to help me follow what I feel God has for me as a wife and mother. And what I thought would work out best for me, the thing that would make these changes happen and give me more time... well I wasn't given that option. What I wanted...I'm not getting. And it stings.
The last two weeks I've been feeling God saying..."Trust me, be patient, I have something better." So I waiting, passed up other opportunities, then I was given an answer that I did not like. What I thought would be best for me... God already knew that my plan was not His plan. I was so disappointed, hurt, and angry. When God said be patient, I thought I knew why. But it's not MY plan that matters - life does not always go my way, because MY way is not always what is best for me at this time in life.
Isn't that how it always goes? We think we know what is best for us. We believe that the timing of events in our lives should happen at a certain time and in a specific way. And when it doesn't happen when or how we want it to, we are angry and disappointed. When in reality... we probably should be thankful. God's timing is PERFECT. Whether we understand it or agree with it, Jesus has a purpose for everything we experience.
GOD HAS A PLAN. GOD HAS A REASON. GOD LOVES ME AND HAS SOMETHING FOR ME TO LEARN.
So for now, I pray and wait patiently. I trust Him. I lean on Him. I search in His Word for what he might have for me. And I leave my plans at His feet, awaiting His counsel and direction.
Praise God that He's in control and not me!