Wednesday, June 5, 2013

When is it too much?

During the last 8 weeks my life has taken a U-turn. I needed to get back in the right direction. My schedule life was starting to pull me down. I found myself extremely overbooked and my thoughts and mouth were out of control. Running the kids to multiple sporting practices 7 days a week, trying to keep up with two bible studies, read the word, blog two blogs, cook dinner, wash the clothes, clean the house, work at the kids school, babysit, listen to peoples problems and occasionally wash my hair and update my Facebook status. I was a worn out, haggard, grumpy, and a self conscious mess!

I began flaking on things I had committed to. I was letting people down. I was letting myself down. I was letting God down. How was I to witness to people around me if I was a hot mess. How was I supposed to get anything out of Sunday Service if I was grumbling about having to run my daughter to her next soccer practice in...4 hours, because I was that awesome mom who supports her kids.

Bible studies, psh...those were supposed to be a daily reflective study. I was waiting till the last minute and cramming 5 hours of study time into 2.5. I can almost put money on it that I missed so much of what God was trying to tell me in those lessons, because I was rushing through, Instagraming, tweeting and mentally making my grocery list at the same time. Why, because I had to stay on top of everything. If something fell through the cracks in my day...I failed. I would beat myself up about it, snap at the Mister and choke the kids with my harsh remarks.

I had to really reflect about what I was doing to myself. What was I doing to the relationships around me?  I don't own a cape. I have no super powers, so why would I try and do the impossible...I was trying to be Super Mom/Blogger/Team Mom/5 Star wife  {Well, it's possible, just you probably wont be sane} When is it too much? Friends I was at that point. It.Was.Too.Much! I broke down one Monday Morning. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I felt like a huge weight was on my chest. I fell under conviction because here I was proclaiming I am a Jesus Freak, but the fact is, I hadn't had time to even really pray. When was the last time I said, "GOD YOU ROCK! Thank you for my breath, my family and the ability to move in the morning." The kids were still in bed, so I just laid there and cried my heart out to God. I mean I really cried. Possibly in the beginning it was a poor me cry, but during the release of all that self pity, I began to really seek Gods face. Begging him to help me stop this madness. Begging with him, what did I need to do to get my sanity back? I needed to be in that sweet spot with him again that I had slipped away from. I needed that so bad. It was as clear as I am writing you now. He said "let go of Blogging. You need to dig more into the word." Out of EVERYTHING I was doing in my day...he wanted me to stop my personal blog? But WHY? Why can't I pull the kids from ONE of their sports I have to take them to, they are in 3!? Why can't I go on a cleaning, laundry and cooking break? Why...WAHHHHY!?! Because he wanted me to pull away from something that had me so wrapped up in myself and the statistics and less of him. *boom* I felt like such a schmuck. I fell for Satan's schemes. So I said my goodbyes to my blog. I pouted for a little bit. But....

Now that I have left my personal blog, I have started two new Bible studies AND I am actually focusing on what is flowing from those pages. I tell you what....Daniel by Beth Moore, is speaking to my heart. God is showing me how wrapped up in myself and things of this world I was becoming. I can slowly see some women that mean a lot to me headed in that same path. It scares me. I am still praying God will show me the right way to address that, but for now...I write here.

So I ask you beloved. When is it too much to handle? Do we let it get to the breaking point I was at...trying to please everyone, take care of everyone and everything, concerned about how my blog was doing, consuming myself with anger and frustration because I was failing at what I treasured the most. My relationship with the Lord.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, on the verge of a break down. Trust me you are not alone. So many women are dealing with the same situation. Something has to give right? Why not give it to God?

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