I began flaking on things I had committed to. I was letting people down. I was letting myself down. I was letting God down. How was I to witness to people around me if I was a hot mess. How was I supposed to get anything out of Sunday Service if I was grumbling about having to run my daughter to her next soccer practice in...4 hours, because I was that awesome mom who supports her kids.
Bible studies, psh...those were supposed to be a daily reflective study. I was waiting till the last minute and cramming 5 hours of study time into 2.5. I can almost put money on it that I missed so much of what God was trying to tell me in those lessons, because I was rushing through, Instagraming, tweeting and mentally making my grocery list at the same time. Why, because I had to stay on top of everything. If something fell through the cracks in my day...I failed. I would beat myself up about it, snap at the Mister and choke the kids with my harsh remarks.
I had to really reflect about what I was doing to myself. What was I doing to the relationships around me? I don't own a cape. I have no super powers, so why would I try and do the impossible...I was trying to be Super Mom/Blogger/Team Mom/5 Star wife {Well, it's possible, just you probably wont be sane} When is it too much? Friends I was at that point. It.Was.Too.Much! I broke down one Monday Morning. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I felt like a huge weight was on my chest. I fell under conviction because here I was proclaiming I am a Jesus Freak, but the fact is, I hadn't had time to even really pray. When was the last time I said, "GOD YOU ROCK! Thank you for my breath, my family and the ability to move in the morning." The kids were still in bed, so I just laid there and cried my heart out to God. I mean I really cried. Possibly in the beginning it was a poor me cry, but during the release of all that self pity, I began to really seek Gods face. Begging him to help me stop this madness. Begging with him, what did I need to do to get my sanity back? I needed to be in that sweet spot with him again that I had slipped away from. I needed that so bad. It was as clear as I am writing you now. He said "let go of Blogging. You need to dig more into the word." Out of EVERYTHING I was doing in my day...he wanted me to stop my personal blog? But WHY? Why can't I pull the kids from ONE of their sports I have to take them to, they are in 3!? Why can't I go on a cleaning, laundry and cooking break? Why...WAHHHHY!?! Because he wanted me to pull away from something that had me so wrapped up in myself and the statistics and less of him. *boom* I felt like such a schmuck. I fell for Satan's schemes. So I said my goodbyes to my blog. I pouted for a little bit. But....
Now that I have left my personal blog, I have started two new Bible studies AND I am actually focusing on what is flowing from those pages. I tell you what....Daniel by Beth Moore, is speaking to my heart. God is showing me how wrapped up in myself and things of this world I was becoming. I can slowly see some women that mean a lot to me headed in that same path. It scares me. I am still praying God will show me the right way to address that, but for now...I write here.
So I ask you beloved. When is it too much to handle? Do we let it get to the breaking point I was at...trying to please everyone, take care of everyone and everything, concerned about how my blog was doing, consuming myself with anger and frustration because I was failing at what I treasured the most. My relationship with the Lord.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, on the verge of a break down. Trust me you are not alone. So many women are dealing with the same situation. Something has to give right? Why not give it to God?
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